I’m such a liar! I promised I was going to review at least a new place in Stockbridge every week, but I failed miserably! I’m sorry!
What’s going on in my life?
Well, few days ago was my birthday, and my first birthday ever! Didn’t do much, after you spend your whole life not celebrating your day of birth, well you don’t really care, but other people do, and it was amazing to see how many actually cared! Some of them wrote amazing and beautiful things, maybe copied from some Google search quotes, but still, they thought of me!
It’s also my first year out of a mind control cult, that drove me to the brick of suicide and nearly left me lifeless, which it did unfortunately for so many other people that couldn’t manage to fight the status-quo and decided to terminate their lives. So, my thought goes to them, to all those trapped beings that couldn’t escape the terrible prison.
I finished reading an amazing book “In order to live” by Yeonmi Park, and it talks about her journey to freedom from North Korea, I couldn’t help it but find my self sobbing in tears understanding to the core her feelings. There’s 8 milion people of Jehovah’s Witnesses trapped in an imaginary North Korea, that can’t help it but to think that a sky version of Kim Jong-un can actually read their mind, or control the weather.

I can’t recommend it enough to read that book, it’s so liberating and eye-opening, also reading what a North-Korea defector had to go through physically and mentally to survive, it’s heart breaking.

Being queer and an ex-cult believer, sometimes still messes up with my head. I wake up in the morning and I need 2/3 minutes to understand what kinda of dream I am living in. Then I realise it’s life, real life, so you smile and embrace the whole of yourself, not leaving even a bit outside you, not denying anything and this is the most liberating and fulfilling feeling.
If happiness exists in this world, to me means being truly yourself and living and accepting yourself to the full.

I have never been happier, of course its tough, when you lose in a blink of an eye all the figures now belonging to your past, when in a blink of an eye your life changes direction, when you have now so much unconditional love that you don’t even know how to deal with it! It’s tough, but freedom, real freedom feels amazing. Freedom from judgments, freedom from labels, freedom from people opinions’s expectations, freedom of speech, freedom of though. It’s like for the first time I can actually walk in my skin, I can actually breath and taste food for the first time.

I just wish all the people that are part of a universe that now hasn’t got anything to do with me anymore, to wake up, to research to never give into fears and start exploring what living really means, what mind control is, what cognitive dissonance is and how the brain works.
I wish they could see beyond made up lies, I don’t say it because I want them back in my life, it doesn’t belong to me that decision, I say it cause I wish they could take their lives back themselves.

Live, love and prosper.

Some more juicy adventures coming soon!

Lots of love,


Hey guys, happy Saturday! Since I’ve moved to this gorgeous part of Edinburgh I actually never spent much time getting to know my neighborhood, which is a pity considering Stockbridge is one of the most visited area of the city and also has the highest grossing charity shops in whole UK (Wikipedia says so). Therefore after spending some days recovering from a nasty tonsillitis, I’ve come up with a plan, reviewing at least once a week a place in Stockbridge, as actually little is known and there are plenty of hidden gems in this middle-class galore.

As I sometimes do, I spend Fridays by my self, reading a book, contemplating how f*cked up life is etc etc, then while watching an episode of “I am Jazz” I decided to grab a book “Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind” -an enlighting book for those who like me have little knowledge about evolution, and want to know more in a very explanatory and satisfying way- and head out.
I was recently speaking with a friend about a new bar that opened up in Stockbridge, called the “Good Brothers” were they serve organic and bio dynamic wines, married to tasty food. Being not more than 200 steps away and known for my incredible lazyness at times, the choice was a no brainer.

Good Brothers Review: 4.5/6
As soon as I walked in, I directed my self to the window seat, comfy, isolated and pretty enough to look like a cool kid sitting there.

I get welcomed by a lovely smile, that brings me the menu and gives me some space to decide.
As my usual, my decision-making skills are terrible, so when the waitress comes back I was still trying to decipher the writings on that A6 piece of white paper.
I tell her about the article that I read regarding the place and the fancy wine they serves, she suggests me to talk with the owner: a friendly guy that comes over and help me making a choice (which it basically consisted in me nodding, quickly reading the menu again and pointing at something with a smile and confidence of someone that knows what he’s doing). I proceed ordering an “estate sauvignon“, de martino (sauvignon blanc, casablanca, chile). Tasty, nutty flavour and I could definitely taste the organic side of it, it seemed less tampered and more palatable -but what do I know, I’m not a somelier!-. What I have to say is, that they really look after they clients, not sure if they were scared of me leaving the table without paying the bill, or if it was sincere interest but they came to my seat roughly a dozen of times.

On their defense I was really taking my time in doing anything, but well, it was Friday night!
I ordered a courgette risotto some 20 pages after (yep, I was reading in the bar! Fancy huh?), which it was a bit salty for my taste and even if risotto has to be hard on the palate I still wonder if it was a bit under-cooked, but I enjoyed it anyways.
I finished by ordering another glass of wine, an “anjou blanc“, pithon-paille (chenin blanc, loire, France). A very rich in flavour and fruity undertones, a lovely wine for sure!
I have to say that Good Brothers is a great place, where I will totally go back; the clientele is interesting too, middle-class white privileged men and women attempting their social affirmation, talking about potentially useless things. The music tho, nope, that was the only downside, the music was totally out of place, kinda r&b – rap, that didn’t suit the vibe at all, but at the end, I was the miserable one by my self, usually people don’t even listen to music in bars, or do they?

Great Wine
Great Prices
Friendly Staff
Fancy Crowd (if you are into people watching)

The Stool was rather uncomfortable if I gotta be picky – LOL

Thanks for reading,
Lots of 💙


Hello gorgeous people, I want to start apologising for not being able to update regularly, so many things have happened!
Life has been so kind lately, giving me all sorts of chances. The biggest ever is that I have been selected as a participant for DEBS (Dancers Emerging Bursary Scheme) with the multi-award winning director and performer Al Seed as mentor! I am so delighted and excited I can’t wait to start!
It means a lot to me at this point of my performing career to get some sort of confirmations. When professionals start believing in you and in your ideals, when you see that at the end you might be very crazy but it’s actually an interesting crazy that even established artistic organisations decide to trust and invest in you, yes, it’s a step forward.

I am also planning my talk-show with Radio Summerhall, it’s such an exciting team and I am really glad they got me on board! It will be broadcasted live on Facebook, so you an extra chance to see my hilarious face talking  sh*t (hopefully not :D)! Will tell you more as soon as it’s all set up!

I’ve met so many interesting people lately that are really proving that this world is such a cool and amazing place to live in, and I’m so so happy to be part of it, can’t believe I lived so many years in a total darkness of such outstanding side of humanity!

Honestly I never felt so much better in my whole short existence!
I actually want to thank all my amazing friends. So supportive and brave, thanks for all your love, thanks for being on my side!
My true family 💙

I dedicate this post to you, I would have never been where I am now without all you incredible and unconditional love! Thanks from the deepest corner of my blue heart!

Lot’s of love 💙

r”It’s not about passion. Passion is something that we tend to overemphasize, that we certainly place too much importance on. Passion ebbs and flows. To me, it’s about desire. If you have constant, unwavering desire to be a cook, then you’ll be a great cook.” – Thomas Keller

I think a title like this should attract people to read it. As I am a total loser when it comes to SEO, tags and relative sh*t, I can only come up with absurd and luring titles.
Anyways, the main point of this article is I am addicted to men magazines. The style, the gloss, the amazing pictures (and the hot models in it, LOL).
I am like a moth in a wool shop, and devour them, first with my eyes and then I just digest all the words. Sometimes I read so fast that the words and the lines get misplaced, confused, mixed and I don’t know what I am doing, were I am reading, but I carry on, like a marathon, I can’t stop it.
I don’t know what gets me the most, I believe it is down the fact that I truly envy these successful people, not their money, not their beauty (Unless you are Jake Gyllenhaal, then I’m greener than the Witch of Oz). I envy the fact that most of them had a thing, ONE, and they became good at it, they worked on it and progressed till the point were it gave them results.
Me? I bounce from one flower to the other and I seem unable to keep my mind on just one -flipping- main focus. What’s wrong with me, GOSH!
So in a desperate attempt, I dream while reading their stories, and blah blah, the first 45 seconds I am in a super awww-like status, then I realise I hate them, well not really but sorta, they are there on those shiny pages wearing they fucking Dolce and Gabbana that possibly has already abused of 12 kids in China for the making, while looking splendid, and I am here.

So I close the magazine in a rant of pain, and nearly threw it on the other side of the office, I wish I did that, at least it would have been a nice distraction for my colleagues; instead I leave it on the side of my desk. I check it from time to time and hope that the front cover magically has my face instead of the handsome man who invented blablablabla.
C’mon I write a blog, I do boylesque, isn’t enough to be on the front cover of Esquire? Or GQ? I’m funny too and I date pizza! I’m not ashamed!
Apparently not.

Honestly I do feel inspired by these people, but I believe these magazine somehow create a sort of dependency, by passively aggressively proving you are not enough. “You can’t afford this Cartier watch? Too bad… I know, look how amazing it suits him! Only £5000” Who fucking has £5000 for a watch? Also, why on heart do you need it? I know, I know, classic rant of an idiot that can’t reach it, but still. I would have free rent for a year with that money. I start feeling troubled, and can’t stop thinking of Giovanni Verga’s Oyster theory: once you move out from the environment that life projected on you, you basically end up dead eaten by a fish.
So commoners should stay commoners.
Waaaaaah! What do I do with all these beams of light? I mean, I was born to be seen and entertain people. Better limit this pizza to once a week, and go back to my gym, Jake Gylehahwavalallah the game is on, I will show the whole world that I can be on Esquire, GQ, Vanity Fair, with a fucking amazing Primark 100% nylon (yuck!) suit and look fabulous and damned as you do. IT’S WAR.

Also, can anyone explain me why these magazine can’t feature anything under £10? I mean really? WE ARE POOR. I probably had to skip a meal to buy your glossy pages, and this is how you are being grateful to me Esquire? Thanks, no no really, thanks.

“Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first.” -Ernestine Ulmer

If I know about something, it’s totally repression, even if I guess is something that we all have to deal with, but it doesn’t have to be confused with respect.

Repression: (rɪˈprɛʃən/Submit) noun

  • the action of subduing someone or something by force.
    “students sparked off events that ended in brutal repression”
    synonyms: suppression, quelling, quashing, subduing, crushing, squashing, stamping out; More
  • the restraint, prevention, or inhibition of a feeling, quality, etc.
    “the repression of anger can be positively harmful”
    synonyms: restraint, restraining, holding back, keeping back, biting back, suppression,
  • keeping in check, control, keeping under control, stifling, smothering, bottling up; More
    the action or process of suppressing a thought or desire in oneself so that it remains unconscious.

I repressed my whole being for nearly 20 years, and it’s not just about sexuality, it’s about being who I am, with my freedom of expression. I’ve done it consciously, somehow even willingly (yeah, being into a cult does mess up with you brain a bit); but now I’m free to be who I am, truly am, and I have the freedom of being free -if this makes sense- and I am so grateful for that. My ex family didn’t really approve, but rather I got compared to a pedophile, a murderer or other nasty things, while at the same time they tried to sweet-coat everything with love, as all the other people that left me behind did. They repeat themselves that they love me, but don’t approve my choices, and they build a wall made of ignorance and judgement. This explains rather clearly my vision on it:
Instagram post

I don’t feel anger, or resentment, I am just sad that these people don’t have the strength to accept their own feeling but obey to a duty. I would rather hear them saying: “I can’t love you the way you are” rather than, “I love only part of you, if you want me to love the rest, well you need to change (repress)”. So I decided that enough is enough, and I made them face their own decision, instead of politically correct swallow their misplaced poisoned love. The answer? A capital-letter: “YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF” written as reply.
I will never be ashamed of my self, I am a strong willed, independent man, that took his life in his hands and decided to not be subdued to bullies anymore, all with grace, calm and kindness; I stood up for my self, when no one did, and I will never betray the smile I see everyday back in the mirror. I know who I am, I try to be a good person, and fight for my survival, my life and at the same time help others on the way.
So yes, I am not ashamed to say to you: “I’m afraid, if you don’t like me the way I am, I rather have you spending your energy elsewhere.” exfamily, exfriends or anyone else.

In 77 countries, it is still illegal being you. Those who belong to the LGBTA+ community get ridiculed, abused, jailed and often killed. I am tired of passively accepting all of that, we don’t deserve it. How would you feel if tomorrow, you as a blond haired person, or red, or tall, or left handed would suddenly be illegal?
Or someone telling you… you know Andy, I love you but I can’t be with you or have you as an active presence in my life unless you dye your hair back to blue, or unless you stop being so tall, or unless you learn how to use your right hand.
Isn’t this repression?
Aren’t we tired of this?
Haven’t we learnt, that boxing and judging PERSONAL choices doesn’t bring anything good?
Why would you also be so much bother by what I do, who I am, if I do my best to respect your freedom, respect your space?
Would you cut anyone out of your life just because he/she doesn’t eat pizza? (Maybe I would hahah)

Who are we in a place to judge?
But we do it, and at the moment 100 gay men are arrested in Chechnya. (Read it here). I’m tired of being powerless, of being subdued, controlled, restraint.
I have faith in humans, we have proved countless of times what greatness we can achieve, how magnificent and perfect we can be. Read it here!
Let’s all rise, let’s all face up our foes, right into the eyes, and as P!nk sad:

“Have you ever looked fear in the face and said I just don’t care?”

We have a duty in this world to fight against injustice and try to make it a better place. It doesn’t take much, we can do it from our thumb (by sharing, tagging, liking, re-posting) for those who aren’t able to do it other way, or go down in the street and peacefully protest the oppression, we can do it with arts and creativity empowering other people to think and process and embrace. I don’t fight only for me, I fight for whole of those ones who have fought before us.
Let’s not hide behind our finger, if we want a world without fears, we better work on it, while in the mean time let’s eat some dessert.

With love ❤, Andy

“We’re hoping to succeed; we’re okay with failure. We just don’t want to land in between.” David Chang

Hello folks, hope life is treating you well!
I had lots of thoughts these past weeks (it happens sometimes when my 2 unique brain cells bump into each other), and yesterday I had a revelation.
I wish I was one of those people who carry a pen. Not any pen, their pen. I am sure you know what I am talking about, they come in different forms, from geeks to desperate mothers, from successful bankers to dream adventurers.
They all have their own pen and when they take it out, it feels like you can hear the roar of the crowd saying: oooooh. (insert an appropriate GIF here); then anything that happens after has a unique feeling to it. It’s not a pen, it’s a projection of their will.
I envy them because I can’t carry pen first of all as I would lose it 32 seconds after acquiring it and then I would most of the time forgetting to have it.
I admit that I gave in the temptation of having one, and had it around for a while, realising a basic truth, not only is a projection of our will but a consolidation of boundaries.
When you are in a shared moment and prompted to carry on an action and have the choice to either use a shared medium or a personal medium, whenever you chose your own personal thing, it’s like saying: “I do it my way”. A subtle way to make sure your individuality gets the recognition that it deserves, and therefore build respect around you.
The reason why some of us can’t carry a pen is because we struggle with having boundaries, as my art therapist said, it feels as we are torn between Duty and Feelings. Therefore we have the need to embark on the process to learn to listen to our authentic self rather than the self-imposed one.
I am not saying that we will all have a pen tomorrow, but maybe Lucio Fontana was right: “I do not want to make a painting; I want to open up space, create a new dimension, tie in the cosmos, as it endlessly expands beyond the confining plane of the picture.”
We need to open up space FOR ourselves, by delimiting the space that others can have in our lives. Houses can only exist if you build walls, and take away some space from the ground, enclosing it into bricks and giving it a new purpose, then you can either keep the doors open or not, but at least you know that there will be a space that now is yours.
Getting free by creating emotional limits to the emotional abuses that somebody can cause you is a rational and constant effort, but it’s worthy because only in those limits you can truly flourish and nourish yourself. Learning to love your soul, as it is, not as other would be able to accept it, and by knowing who you are, you only let in people who are able to appreciate it.
So peeps, next time, try to have your own pen, pencil or use your blood or as in my case, I might just use whatever I see around.

With love ❤, Andy

“We can disagree and still love each other unless your disagreement is rooted in my oppression and denial of my humanity and right to exist.” – Son of Baldwin

Hello, gorgeous human beings!

I apologise if I didn’t write anything the last week, but I have been into a deep emotional turmoil that left me with little energy. Now I’m back on track, feeling stronger than ever.
Last Tuesday I wanted to talk about a discovery, one of those treasures that you find while looking for something else, or actually when you don’t know what you looking for.
Somehow I am drawn to butterflies, maybe as a symbol of rebirth, and facing difficulties in life.
Therefore while at the bookstore I glazed on The Beautiful Butterflies of North America a “lost-manuscript” that has been recently found, nearly a century after its compilation, in an archive of a national library.
It compiles a work of over 50 years on classifying these wonderful animals; the author: Titian Peale spent pretty much all his life on this project, other than being a beautiful compilation of meticulous drawing and watercolors, enriched by discovery and analysis of the ephemeral life of these creatures, this book got me thinking (I know, sometimes it happens!) an artist dedicated all his life (hopefully he did other things too) to this. I can’t even commit to a favourite ice-cream! Then I realised that life is about to experiences and nourish what makes you thrive. Like water for a fish, or air for a bird. Long are the days of evolution, where our basic role in the world was to reproduce and full-stop. I personally think (don’t quote me on this) that we have outgrown the basic principle of evolution, now we are finally embracing our existence, which is not just merely getting a somehow copy of our genome, but rather find a space on this planet based on our ideas, social attributions, creativity. This place could be physical, a country where we feel more “adapted” to, or emotional (a social cause, an ideal, a hope), and we spend all our life on it. Like Titian Peale did, we find our corner and we thrive in it, somehow, though, this corner activates the old basic instinct of evolution, where I need mine to survive, rather than yours. Therefore we have wars, and moral battles, cause we feel that our ideals and opinions are threatened. I am a promoter of free will, you can do whatever you want, as long as that doesn’t hurt my freedom or abuse my rights.
That’s why I think the “old morals” are old for a reason, and we just need to get over them.
The fact that someone is trans, gay, a single mother, gipsy, Muslim, blonde, ginger, fat or slim or whatever the f*ck u want, it’s not GOING TO KILL YOU, it is not a threat to your life, or to your genome, so just get along with it. If it is a threat to your or some else’s life, then yes, we have an issue, and yes we might need to discuss options.
I have faith in the human, I have seen how much we have grown and learnt from history (hey, we are not throwing rubbish out the windows anymore) and yes, we have lots to learn but I believe we are on the right track.
I know, I know, with all the shit that’s happening in America, North Korea and Russia, and possibly soon France, you might say: “Andy, goodness me, what the heck you talking about? We are going backwards!”.
We aren’t, these are symptoms of part of a human society that had their evolutionary instinct messing up with their ideas, and they are desperately trying to catch back, trying to hold, trying to keep tangled and restrain what they are seeing that is wiggling away.
The last shot, to close eyes and hope that everyone will want your corner. Guess what, we don’t!

Don’t be a bully, evolve, accept and support, and spend your life doing something beautiful, like compiling a manuscript on butterflies, rather than judging me from your crystal tower.

” Never love a wild thing, Mr Bell… Then the sky. That’s how you’ll end up, Mr Bell. If you let yourself love a wild thing. You’ll end up looking at the sky ” – Holly Golightly

If I have a spirit animal, well Holly Golightly is the one.
A wild thing. With this wanderer spirit engraved into the DNA of my soul. Why do I hate Truman Capote? Because reading your flipping biography on a writer’ story is scary, made of emotions and feelings so much resembling your own.

Pretending not to cry while reading the last few words. Holly, Holly, did you find a place, Holly?
At the end, you realise, she never actually needed to. Her place, was herself, her dreams, her hopes for a better tomorrow. She worked hard on it, ready to give up everything for that.
Damned feelings. What are we, though, without them?
They called me an emotional surgeon, apparently, I have the ability to cut right through them and make myself feel what I want.
Apparently, as it’s not true.
I don’t think I am an emotional surgeon, as none else is, really.
I just manage to see them as they are: feelings; and allow myself to experience them without holding them back when their time is due. I do feel extremely sad when your own family feel compelled to shun you and the things that you do; or when someone who you start to like, becomes someone that you don’t want to see anymore. I have no complaints about this life, it has given me so much and I learnt so plenty, especially in the last few months I realised what words (such as mother, father, family, best friends, friends, partners) actually mean.
I don’t hold my feelings, the love for a mother can thin down as the interest to a best friend. Or feeling extremely connected to a stranger that you won’t see anymore, but that brief, intimate moment felt like 10 years.
Life goes, we need to flow with it. Never withhold emotion, allow yourself to feel, and allow yourself to let go of those emotions.
They are not meant to be trapped in a jar.
So I let go the love of a family, the things of a past me that are clearing out, revealing themselves as they always were. I let myself feel these glimpses of love from unusual encounters and I just embrace whatever comes through as it could be the first and last time that I will be ever able to feel anything like that.
Never withhold, forever changing.
Home isn’t a place, isn’t with someone, home is wherever you decide to let yourself be.
I think parents should read Breakfast at Tiffany’s to their kids, teaching them how to be part of something bigger without renouncing to their individuality. What’s this something bigger? The Earth and the humans.
One Earth, that we live on, maybe just temporarily, but so damnably intensively. I wish to all of those that they haven’t figured it out yet, that there is nothing to figure out, just live.
Get that damned ticket and go to Brazil, no matter what, with your list of the 50iest richest men in Brazil. Live, love and laugh, without regrets.
Never felt better in my whole life, poised for those that will just stare at the sky, wondering.
I am a person with no ambitions yet, or at least, not those that many people have. Maybe because I grew up believing that no matter what you do, things are out of your control, that you can’t change them, you can only try to find a way to “better cope with it”; while waiting for a savior to fix all the mess. While it’s easier to think this way, and it kinda moves you to a “zombie-status”, it’s terribly detrimental if you at one point decide that you actually do care about society, and you do care about the future generations, and you are fed up of waiting for someone, when you know you can actually start feeling better right now.
So here I am, a 27 y.o. trying to have some goals in life that aren’t just “be good”, but more “be good, and try to solve issues”.
At the end, if anyone would have, though “nothing can be changed” we would still be living in terrible conditions with little expectancy from life.
What I love about this society that I’m living in, is that is trying hard to awaken people inside, from the long torpor-like status of fake comforts, teaching them that “feeling something” is right and must be done.
I think we should follow the steps of the original awakeners and start the engine of “change”.
So, that’s it, my ambitious for 2017? Inspiring people to follow their inspirations.
Someone told me I should write my story. I will one day and I will entitle it: “From waiting for a bouquet to growing your own flowers”.

Be brave, be fierce and never forget that no one, on this forever-moving-planet, can live your life for you. They could try to and you might allow it but remember that no one actually can.
Maybe that’s why as much as Holly Golightly I don’t need a “home”, cause my home is the planet Earth; and… spoiler alert… It’s your planet too.